Saving A Spot

 Pictures of all four have been rare the past few years. This picture was back in 2015. My oldest hates the pictures I take of her. I suppose that is normal. While she is missing from many pictures she was there. Some where in the back ground she was there. We went to the zoo the other day and she really wasn't there though. She was sick and didn't get to come, but I took the normal picture with a turtle like we do every trip to the zoo. I got home and starting looking at all my pictures and how the kids were posed and if they smiled, ya know the mom stuff we do after going on an outing and I noticed something with the new picture. 

   Can you notice? She is still "there". Without realizing it there is a spot she would be in had she come. It hit hard since later this month she leaves us for the big world of University! My pride is bursting for my girl, I am so excited for her. I am sad because there will be so many pictures that she won't be "there" for anymore. How am I going to cope without my best friend? Without my side kick? How will I manage life without her stopping by just to chat? How will the other kids do with her so far away? 

       I know how they will do because this picture right here speaks volumes....They will be saving a spot just for her. Every adventure they have she will be there in their hearts. Everyone keeps asking me how I am going to say goodbye and to be honest, I'm not. I'm not saying goodbye at all. I'm saying hello to a new normal. I'm saying hello to figuring out how to cram every possible thing into every one of her future homecomings. That is right, I said homecoming and not visit. She will never visit us, she will always just be coming home.

       Her spot at our table that they ate dinner from for most of their lives remains "hers". There will always be a spot for her when she needs it. I will still be doing Santa Claus for four. I will still have a daughter. I will not say goodbye. So how will I cope? I will save her a spot, a spot that is just hers that no one can fill. A spot in my closet for all her treasures that she can't take with her. There will always be a spot that belongs to my Little Lucy. I know she is going to be great! I know she is going to be wonderful! I think in my life, I have needed her more than she has ever needed me....